The point of no return in relationships

Notes

The point of no return in relationships happens when one or both people in the relationship cannot reverse what’s been done. There are several ways people reach this point in a relationship:

1. When one person reaches their threshold for how much disrespect they are willing to tolerate

Every person has their own limits in which they are willing to tolerate disrespect. People can have low-threshold or high-threshold. There are only so many times a person can put up with mistreatment.

2. Hurting the other person in a way that cannot ever be undone

A common instance of this is betrayal. Betrayal is like breaking a piece of glass. You might be able to repair it but it wouldn’t look exactly as before. Another is when one person makes a huge irreversible mistake. An example of this is in The Sopranos when Moltisanti sits on Adriana’s dog or when Adriana becomes a snitch for the Feds, Moltisanti cannot look at her the same way.

3. When resentment has built up too high

This happens when a person is fed up with needs not being met. An example of this is when a woman takes in the majority of the mental load in a relationship. Another example is not having emotional needs met. For example, one person needs constant texts of reassurance and check-ins throughout the week and the other cannot provide that.

4. Contempt

The biggest killer of relationships in the Four Horsemen of Relationships. This happens when one person feels superior to the other. One person thinks their partner is not respectable.

5. The “ick”

Ana breaks down the “ick” as combination of disgust and loss of respect. An example of this is when a person’s values are incompatible with your own.

Takeaways

1. Do not take people for granted.
2. Take note of dealbreakers or betrayals that cannot be undone.
3. Listen to people’s needs before the resentment builds up.
4. Foster a culture of respect and appreciation rather than contempt.
5. Don’t get complacent in relationships. Make sure the other person maintains respect and attraction for you.